The I’d’s of March (An Ode to Simon and Garfunkel)

I’d rather spread peanut butter than gossip.

I’d rather smoke ham than cigarettes.

I’d rather twirl spaghetti than see a tornado.

I’d rather chug whiskey than swallow my words.

I’d rather parachute than drive through high traffic.

I’d rather hike trails than ride shotgun.

I’d rather dance in the rain than sit dry every day.

I’d rather sweat blood than sweat bullets.

I’d rather quote Psalms than Shakespeare.

I’d rather wear sneakers than heels.

I’d rather read historical fiction than fantasy.

I’d rather sing country than opera.

I’d rather hear birdsong than tweet on my phone.

I’d rather tell a joke than be the butt of one.

I’d rather visit Ireland than Washington D.C.

I’d rather watch comedy than horror.

I’d rather swim in the ocean than ski on a slope.

I’d rather bicycle than box.

I’d rather use baby powder than calamine lotion.

I’d rather smell Glade than Lysol.

I’d rather bake brownies than fry fish or chicken.

I’d rather sprinkle nutmeg than Mace.

I’d rather dollop sweet cream than hot sauce.

I’d rather pour wine than spill sorrows.

I’d rather remember than always forget.

I’d rather discover than search.

I’d rather walk away with anger than scream with vengeance.

I’d rather laugh than weep.

I’d rather slosh in mud than slip in green slime.

I’d rather spend time than money.

I’d rather wonder why than wander away.

I’d rather lose keys than my mind.

I’d rather be an eagle than a snake. 

I’d rather be a mallet than a stake.

I’d rather be a meadow than a parking lot. 

I’d rather feel sand between my toes.

And if I were able, 

Without a doubt…

I’d fly away like Noah’s dove 

Till I found an olive branch.